Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
