If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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