Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
