Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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