He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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