why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
