you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
