no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
