It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
