two words...techno handjob
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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