Whod you bang
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
