Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
