My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
