the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
