since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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