Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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