she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
