saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
