he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
