Umm I'm too high to move.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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