On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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