This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
