im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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