The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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