I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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