I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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