um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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