I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
