if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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