I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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