Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize