ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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