My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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