Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
