so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
