Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
