so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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