Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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