If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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