so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
third nipple confirmed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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