he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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