i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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