i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
