You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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