My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
