I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
