my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
