you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
