i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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