This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
