I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
