There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize