Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
