whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
