dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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