I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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