I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
