Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
