Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
