So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize