I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
