I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
