Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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